Thursday, April 23, 2009

The Job Interview: A Simple Guide

When you combine our nation's economic downturn with the fact that a flurry of college seniors will be flooding the market in a month or so, the ability to successfully interview for a job has never been more vital. So as a public service, since I know pretty much everything about everything, here are a few do's and don'ts to keep in mind on your next interview:

DO make solid eye contact and firmly shake the interviewers hand when meeting him. DON'T attempt to teach him a Lebron-and-Mo-Williams-in-pregame-introductions seventeen-step shake that ends with both of you doing da Stanky Leg.

DO wear a suit and tie. DON'T admit that the last time you dressed like this was 7th grade Picture Day.

DO avoid discussing salary unless he brings it up. DON'T bring a garbage bag full of dollar bills with you to you how "large I'm living."

DO try to frame one of your strengths as a weakness when he asks you to describe your weaknesses. DON'T answer with "fast cars and faster women."

DO use light humor to put the interviewer at ease. DON'T use any anecdotes that end with "....the Aristocrats!"

DO talk about your college experiences and how they may relate to the position. DON'T brag about your college achievements and then challenge the interviewer to a game of beer pong

DO ask questions about the company and position. DON'T ask questions about his boss's wife.

DO research the company the night before and show you're familiar with the corporate culture. DON'T tell him that through the "little miracle" known as the Freedom of Information Act, you were able to acquire the phone number of his boss's wife.

DO hand him your business card, if you have one. DON'T hand him a picture of you and your ex-girlfriend at the Grand Canyon with your signature and phone number written on the back.

DO bring a copy of your resume. DON'T include anything on that resume about how many hard boiled eggs you can eat in an hour.

DO thank the interviewer for his time and get his business card. DON'T offer to give him a thank you back rub at the Days Inn of his choosing.

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