Sunday, January 25, 2009

Roethlisberger to Call Play Designed to Take Out Ken Whisenhunt

PITTSBURGH, PA - The rift between Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger and Arizona Cardinals head coach Ken Whisenhunt has been a hot topic of discussion in the week leading up to the Super Bowl. While Whisenhunt has downplayed the dispute, Roethlisberger called a press conference Sunday to announce that he plans to call a play designed specifically to physically injure Whisenhunt while he coaches from the sideline.

"Red 38 Motion," said Roethlisberger. "That's a sweep to the left. We're going to pitch it out to Willie, probably for one, maybe two yard gain. It won't get us much, but I'm fixing to have eight to ten incredibly large men crashing into Coach Bitchenhunt. "

Whisenhunt was Roethlisberger's offensive coordinator in Pittsburgh for several years, and according to several reports, the two did not get along. This lead to Roethlisberger's desire to call a play that would lead to several players running into Whisenhunt, causing him probable harm. Roethlisberger added, "I'm hoping it takes out a knee or something. Then maybe he'll get up, and in his frustration fall backwards into a table full of water cups. It's worked in every football comedy ever made; I figure it'll work here."

The sweep, a football play in which the quarterback tosses the ball to a running back in the backfield, is usually reserved for short yardage situations. But Roethlisberger stated he plans to run the play whenever the Steelers are within striking distance of Whisenhunt.

"As soon as I get the opportunity, I'm calling that play," said Roethlisberger. When reminded that he has no role in the play calling duties, Roethlisberger scoffed. "I'm not worried about what the coaches call because frankly my favorite play, and the only one I ever call, is the one where I roll out of the pocket, hold onto the ball too long, and then chuck it downfield. Now that I think about it, that's probably one of the main reasons Ken hated me."

When asked how he will respond to this aggression against his coach, Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner said he planned to throw the ball directly into Steeler linebacker James Harrison's crotch.

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