Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The Least Popular Bowl Games

New Year's Day means one thing: college football. Although the post-New Year's BCS bowl games get all the hype, there are a plethora of bowls that take place before January 1st. Not all of these games are great, however. Here's a look at some of the least popular pre-New Year college bowl games:

Summer's Eve Douche Bowl - Summer's Eve actually contemplated giving South Carolina an annual automatic bid....for obvious reasons.

Entenmann's Coffee Cake Bowl - The mascot for this game? A six foot tall raisin loaf cake.

The Ponzi Scheme Bowl - Purchase tickets online today, and the location of this bowl will be revealed to you at a later date.

The McDonald's Sucks, Eat at Hardees Bowl - Logo is Ronald McDonald getting his ass kicked by an anthropomorphic thickburger while Grimace, looking on, jerks off and cries.

The Snuggie Bowl - All players are forced to forego pads and uniforms and wear the aforementioned Snuggie while playing. They basically pay $19.95 to look like a gay monk.

The Anne Kingsmill Finch Bowl - Dedicated to celebrating the life and works of famed 1600's English poet Anne Kingsmill Finch. After the game, the players gather at mid-field to sip chamomile tea and chat about her poems. Usually the bowl UVA ends up in.

The NAMBLA Bowl - The only bowl game not sanctioned by the NCAA; probably because it's played by two Pop Warner teams. Postgame interviews are conducted by Chris Hansen and local authorities.

The Billy Mays Here! Bowl - All commercials during the game are for products endorsed by pitch man Billy Mays. The halftime show is unique, as Billy Mays walks through the stands and berates everyone who doesn't use Oxyclean. Winning team gets a keychain voice recorder and flimsy health insurance.

The Moustache Bowl - Although the game is usually a stinker, the highlight of this event is always the parade, led by Grand Marshall Selleck.

The Barack Obama Hope and Change Bowl - Sponsored by whatever's leftover from the $750 million in campaign funds he raised.

The Bailout Bowl - The federal government pays the two worst teams in the nation to travel to a neutral site and continue to fuck up like they have been all season.

The Bangbros Bowl - No tickets are sold; instead young coeds are seduced into attending the game by a bunch of douches with frosted hair only to realize afterwards that they won't be getting paid. The announcers are unappreciated housewives and both coaches wear a Mexican wrestling mask.

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