Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Mailbag

I had to take my car to the mechanic today, so I didn't have a lot of time to bang out a blog. I figured I'd answer some of the e-mails that have been pouring in over the past couple months. I owe it to my readers. After all, it's like FDR said: with great power comes great responsibility.

Devon in Richmond writes:
Mike - I am a huge Alan Thicke fan. What is he like? It sounds like you two are pretty close. Could I get an autograph or maybe...I'm afraid to even ask for this but maybe....a chance to meet him?

Devon,
First of all, Mr. Thicke and I are not "pretty close." I'm like a son to him. We've forged a bond through our similarites - great hair, an amazing stand-up routine, and charm out the ass. I would offer you a chance to come meet Thickeness, but he doesn't like seeing his fans because "they might touch me." I may get him to sign a tissue or something and you can come pick it up.

Rob in Fredericksburg writes:
Hey man, it's Rob, I was just wondering when you were going to pay me back. I know you're my boy but $5,000 is a lot of money. Let's get this settled.
Rob,
Thanks so much for writing in. I'm glad you enjoy the blog! Tell your friends.

Cindy in Blacksburg writes:
Hey Mike! I don't know if you remember me...we took freshman bio together at Virginia Tech. It's been ages! After you inexplicably stopped talking to me, I actually had a baby. I had to drop out of school, so I've been serving at the Boston Beanery ever since. You should come visit me and Jacob sometime. He's six now. He loves the Yankees, Seinfeld, and Boston Creme pie. Also, he does stand-up comedy and writes sketches alot. Also, he just started up a blog called a littlejacobscomedicmusings.blogspot.com. We're all very proud of that. He's so cute too. I'm going to be honest with you Mike, he looks like you if you if you were a tiny man wearing a bonnet. The very least you could do is submit to DNA testing. For the love of God, grant me some dignity and just hand over a blood sample!

Cindy,
Can't say I remember you. Thanks for reading, Baby Doll.

Peter in Alexandria writes:
Mike: who wins in a fight, Captain Crunch or the Lucky Charms guy?

Peter,
It's asinine pablum like this that reminds me what an intellectual wasteland the Internet truly is. Crunch wins handily; he has a military background.

Tony in Philadelphia writes:
Mike, you have such an odd assortment of topics for the blog. Where do you come up with some of this stuff?

Tony,
Talk to my writers. They can be reached at mikeeltringham.blogspotcom_Staff@gmail.com. Any other questions can be directed to my attorney, Demetrius Thicke.

Last one! Let's hope it's a goodie!!

Manny in D.C. writes:
Hey asshole, I'm Manny, the mechanic! When I was under your car you back out and run over my arm, you fuckin' piece of shit! Why do you do that to Manny? How the fuck you going to put my life in danger? You go to some fuckin' length to avoid paying your bill, you cheap rat shit fuckin' basta-

Manny,
...must have the wrong address! Don't worry, Manny. I've sent the email back to you so you can send it to the intended recipient.

No comments: