Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Yes, He Can?


Yesterday John McCain criticized Barack Obama's proposed economic policies, and according to CNN political analyst David Gergen, Obama's speech on the subject in North Carolina yesterday did not directly address the issue and was "a bit of a mish mash." I got my hands on a transcript of Obama's speech; judge for yourself whether or not Senator Obama's take on the U.S. economy was lacking any substance:

My fellow Americans, welcome. You know, Mr. McCain has stated that no matter who wins, this country is headed for change. I disagree...whoa. Is that a bee? Anyway, we don't want more of the same. We want tangible change that we can....(darts away from podium; takes a second to compose himself, then returns)....Well, ladies and gentlemen, it appears as though a bumblebee has joined me up on stage. Let's hope he votes Democrat. (laughter from audience)

But seriously, we must enact change through our economic principles...whoa, shit... and they must be....okay, shit, it's back.

(Ducks again, throws hands over his face and takes a swipe at the air)

Is it gone? Did somebody kill it? No? Then what's the point of finishing the fucking speech? Now I don't know where he is! He knows I tried to kill him, so now he's doubly pissed off...fuck me. Okay, you know what man, keep your composure...you're okay Barack, everything's okay...keep calm. They can sense fear.

Allright, you in the front row, come up here...yeah, with the pastel shirt....I want you to stand in front of me and act as a human shield. The bright colors you're wearing should make him think you're a flower.

Now where's my Secret Service at? Okay, I want two behind me...yeah, and get your Glock cocked, ready to rock. Shoot it on sight. What's that? Fuck safety! I want it dead! And after you're done I want it's fuckin' bee body, and I'm gonna make sure he can't have an open casket at his bee funeral. Fuck this bee and his bee family. Use as many bullets as you can.

Wait...you said you saw him fly out a window? Oh, cool...whew...uh so yeah, as I was saying, if McCain thinks he's going to change things more than I am, he's wrong. I got nothin' but change. Barack Obama got change out the asshole. Man, I'm still freaking out over that. My bad, but I caught the end of My Girl on HBO2 last night. Barack ain't goin' out like no Macauley Culkin bitch.

Anyway, God bless all of you, and God bless America!

1 comment:

jimmymeritt said...

That was hilarious! You need to find someone with a good Obama impression and film that.